NAME: HILARY (HILS)
RECRUIT NUMBER: 4
AGE: 31
GENDER: Female
FROM: Barnet
OCCUPATION: Personal Trainer
MARITAL STATUS: Single
INTERESTING FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I love to dance salsa and I love to fight (boxing)

Hilary lives in North London with her 2-year-old daughter and works as a HIIT, boxing and kettlebell instructor and PT.

Hilary grew up in a traditional Columbian family and says walking into her mum’s house was like walking into Cali. She competed in athletics when she was younger and later moved into body building and white-collar boxing.

When Hilary was four months pregnant, her relationship with her partner broke down. She left him and fell into pre and post-natal depression. Hilary was eventually able to pull herself out of the depression and two years later is proud to be a single mum to a beautiful daughter and is in the best shape of her life. She wants to join the course to show that she is so much more than just a single mum.

Congratulations! You passed selection! How does that feel?

It feels so so amazing, so liberating and so satisfying to have made it through. I would never have thought I would get this far at all, but this experience benefited me as a person. I definitely left there a changed person, not just for a while but forever. Having done something like this stops you from taking things for granted, stop you from saying you can’t do something, when you more then can, and makes you start believing in yourself deeply and wholeheartedly. The mind is capable of so many things that you cannot even imagine. I feel so empowered and honoured to say that I have completed something like that, not for the competitive side of things but because I truly did it with transparency to myself, knowing that I gave it my all and I unlocked new levels and things inside me that I never knew I had.

How did you keep strong and continue through the interrogation phase?

One of the main things I would think about was “Hilary, you made it this far, this is no time to go back now!” I was so close to the end. At this point, more than ever, I was not letting ANYTHING distract me or pull me apart. I genuinely felt like I was on a mission (a mission for myself deep down inside) and I was not going to give in so easily, especially when I could smell the end.

And just when you thought it was all over…there was that final sickener. How did you manage to keep going?

I really hated this part. When you least expect it, worse to still come. By this point I felt absolutely exhausted, no sleep, hungry, thirsty, cuts, bruises, sore feet…! I really didn’t think I was going to make it. It felt impossible. It really made me question myself. I really did not know what to expect, whether my body could continue or not, I just knew that I had to try, because if I didn’t, that would be an even worse experience and everything I had worked for would go to sh**. So in the end I guess my plan was to keep going until my body couldn’t continue anymore, because to me that was 100% effort. It was all of me!

Why do you think you made it to the end?

I believe that throughout this whole journey, I had in my mind and in my heart the most important thing in my life and that was my daughter. I would do absolutely anything for her and every time I had a challenge or felt like giving up, I would think of her and I would find this mighty strength from God knows where. She has always been the light of my life, in even my darkest moments and being pregnant with her and almost wanting to take my own life, the thought of her also going if I was to go, was what stopped me from doing it. The ONLY thing that stopped me. And this is why I find my strength from her. She saved my life and also changed my whole life, made me feel purpose, love and life again.

I never had so much luck in my life in general, I felt that my life, until the point that I had my daughter, was not the way I had wanted to live it. I was always following others, or being afraid of what people thought of me, not standing up for myself and letting people take advantage of me. After this, I promised myself I would change. I felt so strongly that I wanted to change my life and I felt that SAS was part of that journey of self-discovery and development for me that I needed. I needed this to prove things to myself that I would always doubt or not believe about myself, to really know what I am capable of and how strong my mind can be. Because of this massive feeling, I was always giving 100% because for the first time ever I felt like I was doing something for me and not living and doing things for others. I HAD to prove to myself that I am so much more than the lifeless life I felt I was living before.

Also having said this, my team mates also made a massive contribution to it all. Everyone was so friendly and motivating that it also made a difference to my mindset, especially on those days when I felt weaker. It definitely showed me that you cannot always do things alone, and you need help from others. Support wherever you can is such an important factor.

Why do you think the DS selected you – what do you think you did differently to the other recruits who didn’t make it to the end?

I believe that I always gave 100%, which was what the DS would always ask for. I felt that as long as I always gave 100%, that was all that mattered. And I always made sure I did. Now I’m not saying that the other recruits didn’t give 100%, but I feel like 100% means something different for every person. I believe that there is this level in our mind that says limit (100%) and another in our body. The mind perceives the body’s limits based on all the things that we have experienced in our lives and based on what we can determine is our limit, so this will automatically be different for everyone. But the thing is that’s only based on the limits that you have been through in the past. Once something comes along and pushes that whole new limit way higher than you knew, that’s when you need to stop your mind from wanting to make you stop because you are exceeding that old limit and your body now feels uncomfortable and wants to fight back to stop you from feeling this way. I fought so hard in my mind to make myself keep going. It was not easy at all, but it was all mindset. I have pushed myself so hard in this course that I even felt an out of body experience, where I was just going and going and going, but I no longer felt I was in my body, I just felt numb and my body was on autopilot. By this I know that 100% really isn't what we think, it is in our minds.

Did any of the DS inspire you to keep going to the end?

Rudy was great! I felt like he would see me at my toughest moments of strength and let me know about it. And this to me meant so much more than what it was. Because even though I was proving to no one but to myself that I could do this, I saw that Rudy could see I could do this too, and that let me know that not only am I proving this to myself but other people can recognise this and I am also proving it to them too.

At any point in the course, did you consider giving up? What made you continue?

Yes I did, but there were so many more pros than cons as to why I should finish than to take the easy way out and give up.

I’ve never had much luck in my life in general. I felt that my life, until the point that I had my daughter, was not the way I had wanted to live it. I was always following others, or being afraid of what people thought of me, not standing up for myself and letting people taking advantage of me. After this I promised myself I would change. I felt so strongly that I wanted to change my life and I felt that SAS: Who Dares Wins was part of the journey of self-discovery and development for me that I needed, to prove things to myself that I would always doubt or not believe about myself, to really know what I am capable of and how strong my mind can be. Because of this massive feeling, I was always giving 100% because for the first time ever, I felt like I was doing something for me and not living and doing things for others. I HAD to prove to myself that I am so much more than the lifeless life I felt I was living before. This is what made me continue.

What was the worst part of the course for you? Why?

The worse part was definitely the interrogation. It was the longest and most challenging part, especially after doing so many challenges and days at the jungle. Because we were always in pitch black listening to these horrible sounds, it felt so much easier to say actually this is a lot and give up your number. I am also not great at intimidation and having people shout at me. I get scared off quite easily when it comes to violent behaviour, and because there were so many different aspects to this part of the course, it made it the hardest.

Would you ever consider joining the military after this experience?

NO WAY! I feel like after going through what I did, it is the toughest, most intense and scariest on edge thing I have ever done! And this was just a small taste of the real thing! It’s too much for me. I feel like I got what I wanted from it and it was the most amazing experience as I did come out a changed person after that. But that is it. I cannot imagine doing it again or joining the military and I really now do give massive big credits to people from the miliary and Special Forces, because that genuinely is the hardest thing in the world.

What did you do to celebrate?

I called my family, I had a shower, ate food and then slept! Who knew that these small, basic things could make you so happy! It really makes you appreciate life so much more and that in itself was a celebration!

Describe the jungle? At any point did you think the harsh jungle environment would beat you? What was the worst thing about the jungle?

The jungle was wet, dirty, noisy and dangerous. The animals/insects were real, which I hate! I did think on this last bit that the jungle would beat me and I feel that if this course was any longer I would probably not have made it. My feet, by the end, were the most painful! I think the worst thing about the jungle was the wetness and the humidity. This was what got to us the most.

Why did you decide to take part in SAS: Who Dares Wins?

I decided to take part after a few life situations I went through. I went on a self-development journey, to become the best version of myself and to not let my past experiences define me anymore. I saw SAS as something that would push me and connect me with my true self, by facing fears, finding limits and pushing through barriers.

What did you hope to get out of this experience?

I hoped to find a new, bigger and better me, in order to set new higher goals in life, pass wisdom on to people, and raise my daughter with the best set of values and wisdom I can pass onto her.

Did it meet your expectations? What was different? What was as expected? And why?

It over exceeded my expectations. I didn’t think it would affect me (in a good way) as much as it did. It is by far one of the toughest things I have ever done that has built me into a different person. I think what is different is actually experiencing these things in real life instead of just sitting comfortably at home watching it. It is so much more then you see. I was expecting it to be tough but not as tough as it was. I feel it hit all my senses physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally both high and low, which is what makes you find your true self and see what you’re really made off.

What did you learn about yourself from this experience?

I learnt to live in the moment. I was always the kind of person to plan things and know exactly what was happening. On the course, I never knew what was going to hit or when or where, which put me on edge a lot at the beginning, but afterwards I learnt to just let things happen, whilst still being calm and not procrastinate, overthink or be impatient. I also learnt that I am so so so capable of so many things, which I thought I wasn’t. From seeing the challenges at first and thinking “I don’t think I can do this” to just going for it, was a massive one for me. I underestimate myself so much, and this opened my eyes to bigger things.

Would you change anything about your time on the course?

No. Everything I lived was me being me, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Would you ever do it again?

Nope! It was an experience I feel I only needed once. It’s too tough. Just the thought of doing it again makes me feel nauseas!

Summarise your whole SAS: Who Dares Wins experience?

My whole experience is an unforgettable one. I went through so so many thoughts, emotions and feelings that I had not felt before but that were positive for me in the long run, even the tough times. I feel like just before going on the show I was nervous and sometimes self-doubting but I was very excited and ready to go. The first few days I was actually there I found it so tough, tough to adapt in general and all the challenges were already draining. I felt like giving up and felt that I would not make it further. Then I started enjoying it a little more and started getting into the wave of things.

But regardless of everything, there was always 1 thing, the mental thought of having to complete something, that mindset of mental toughness that was always there. And somehow I would get it done, and that was the beauty of the whole experience for me, that the mind is so powerful beyond what you expect.